For Pete's sake leave Vegemite alone

Struth! With tongue in cheek, I’m madder than a bag full of cut snakes and you want to know why?

The American owners of Vegemite, a famous Australian sandwich spread, have come up with the ludicrous plan of bastardising this great Australian national icon by combining it with cream cheese and a few secret herbs and spices for a new product to be released Downunder on July 5.

Yes, the original vegemite will still be available, but that’s not the point, Vegemite has been favoured by countless millions of Australians without complaint from it’s loyal followers since its conception here in 1922. So why play with it now? If it’s not broken don’t fix it and why re-invent the wheel, I say!

So it’s little wonder that I’m as mad as hell. I can only imagine that it’s being done for the sake of the holy dollar and whoever came up with this head scratching decision should be asking themselves, “Do I have kangaroos loose in the top paddock?”

Sure, the unique recipe of Vegemite and a slab of good Aussie tasty cheese on bread has been passed down from generation to generation, but mixing cream cheese with Vegemite on a commercial basis, come on!

Have we become so lazy and so out of touch that we have to resort to the devious concoction being presented to us now?

Howard Beale a crazed television anchorman played by Peter Finch in the movie “Network”, sums up my sentiments exactly in regards to this new product with these passionate words:

“I want you to get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say, I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore.”

If you are as mad as hell like me, follow Howard Beale’s advise and head straight to the nearest window and repeat his words for all to hear, plus these choice words from me, “For Pete's sake, leave Vegemite alone!”

To be continued…

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Deliverance

Bombarded by irresistible deep rooted primal urges to deny one’s own frailty, I can no longer justify my insatiable appetite for euphoric relief.

Realising ignorance has set my destiny's course, triumphing in the face of adversity will be the ultimate goal.

Cowering no longer behind the steel apron called masculinity, I lower my guard to banish the dark force that has lain by my side for so long.

Anxious to come face to face with the one whose skilled hands will soothe the savage beast within me, I’m seduced by the first voice that greets me.

This unseen vision with the voice of a sultry siren and who promises all forms of pleasure and pain, beckons those like me no matter what the cost may be.

Flirting pleasantries aside, an appointment is made to enter the sanctuary of a mechanized house of horrors.

As the time approaches my heart beats ever faster at the mere thought that I will soon be in the gentle and caring hands of my deliverer from anguish.

Tick Tock! Now that the day has arrived my mind is racked with unimaginable thoughts. The fine line between pleasure and pain is just moments away from being drawn in the embossed non scented bib that awaits me.

Trembling, I enter the sterile confines that promise so much. Shadows and echoes of former clients can still clearly be seen and heard as I lay down before them.

Now that my smiling vanquisher stands before me the vestibule that comes between us, once moist, is quickly becoming desiccated as already heightened levels of near paralyzing fear and sullen anticipation grow even further.

As my eyes take in hers, with her filtered breath and seductive scent all around me, I close my eyes, clench my fists and give in to her ways. Forever thankful that this encounter will soon bring an end to my woes.

Now the challenge for you, besides passing comment on what you think of this story, is to answer this question:

What does my smiling vanquisher / deliverer from anguish do for a living?

To be continued…

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